Day 4 o el Dia cuatro

My eyes circled the cans and containers of seasoning in the cabinet like a hawk gliding in the sky to keep hovering over the land, concentrating on choosing it's prey. My hand pressed and fingers stepped upon the woodstained finish, closing then reopening the cabinet doors, back and forth, figuring.
"What do I want to have."
"What do I feel like?"

My eyes bounced, figuring, "What is really going to fit me today? What do I have an appetite for and would savor?"

"Ahh"! Eso!"

My sight caught the Adobo seasoning and delighted. Arroz con habichuelas it is!

It is in delight and what we yearn for, that brings us to understanding of ourselves. One morning in the kickbox class of the martial arts studio, mi gemela was just beginning to stretch after a long 3 mile walk to the studio. That was one of her passions that fed her appetite so she didn't mind walking from our house all the way to the studio every Saturday to join kickboxing class. The road less traveled yet curious enough to dare the consequences! Being physicaly fit was something she felt like doing, she felt like having, like our daily choices for food. The class began and they did their routine. A woman, tan with the hint of cocoa colored skin noticed and remembered. There was a resemblance to her neice. The black curly hair, the nose small with ethnic curve, the Tirado forehead, the eyes like a green muddy sea. Could it be? That combination could only belong to two people she knew. It was mi Tia! After all the time had passed, through fate, there was mi gamela and tia again together. From 5 years old and being seperated, it was la otra mitad coming to la otra mitad! Finally at the age of 19 we would begin to see and know our otra mitad de la familia. After that day we grew like a grape vine.
One day in mi tia's kitchen, she prepared our first meal which was like "our daily bread" in Puerto Rico. The air was thick with vapors of oil and bubbling water with a pinch of this and a pinch of that.
"There is not much to learn. This is simple, yet it is technique that you must get down."
As she scurried about performing her act and orchestrating her band, she slipped the sliced plantains into the oil and took the browned ones out, pressing them firmly enough to squeeze out excess oil.
"Now watch platanos becomes tostones."
Then she stirred the pot of boiling rice.
"See not too much agua. Just a little over the top."
She went on orchestrating, adding the beans, sofrito, tomatoe sauce. I didn't look. I was consumed with what they were trying to say in the novelas on tv. My mind was putting together words like a puzzle that didn't fit or were not the right shape for the other connecting peice. I wasn't paying attention and before you knew it, the aroma came in like a careless spirit finding it's way to my nose, awakening my senses.
One voice was echoed as if in the distance and the second rang like a school bell and I was alarmed.
"Ok tia! Yea! it's ready?"
"Si, esta lista! Buen Provecho!"

As mi gamela y yo began to taste the 3 spoonfuls in, "tia, what is in this, how is it so good! Please write the recipe!"
"Ok a pinch of jamon and you going to add..."
"Wait, tia, what is jamon?"
"Ham"

At a young age of our introverted selves of 13, we became vegetarians. At 22 now, we were freaking out. "O my God tia, I'm sorry we can't eat no more."
My poor tia, worked so hard and dressed this comida with love and daring delight, only to get shot down by the twin bomber!
Knowing and accepting was tricky. Yes it had meat in this fantastic dish, yes it was Puerto Rican, yes it was the traditional way of making it and yes we were vegetarians now, giving up meat so young.

"But it's only a pinch used for seasoning!"
"But it was still meat, still an animal, we don't eat animals!"
My tia's eyes rolled.
"Aye, aye, aye! But you guys,,,now are being really difficult!"

We stood there in the midst of silence, unspoken words, thoughts floated above our heads and we were sorry. We would just have to learn to make our rice and beans together without jamon. The pot sat their and cooled over time like a rock that the sun set away from, cooling to a still hard leftover in the night.

Growing up American, had freedom of choice, with compassion in our hearts, animals were our freinds and we could never make a choice to cook pollo frito or anytype of dish made with an animal that was living before. Even my mom, who is white ate meat but knew her kids had made a decision to cut that out of their diets so that was that.
Yes seeking to be more boricua had it's challenges in the food department but we had our choice.

Today I had craved arroz con habichuelas and remembered back to that day 8 years ago in mi tia's kitchen. Feeling bad, not accepting to continue to eat her arroz con habichuelas because of el jamon but knowing that everything in life being it Puerto Rican or American wasn't always going to be the norm in making up who we are.
Recipes have their ingredients as we individually have our makeups and hangups, the things that combine make up who we are. We have choices, but we feel, inside of us that we need or crave something, such as mi gamela and her working out, it led her, in fate to meet my tia again since we were astranged from my father's side of the family for so long and it is the sense that brings about a calling in the air, to bring welcoming things in our lives. Not knowing but going on instinct and following it is key. I sit here typing away, sharing and finishing my 2nd page of wanting to know and seek my Puerto Rican side. I have gone over the 3 chapters to the Living Language book again, so I am covering los basicos of greetings, asking for information and the time, going over the lyrics of "Dime" by Ivy Queen, I wanted to get it right, still continuing poco a poco. Their is still so much to tell, yet this helps me stay with learning the language, and it is like food that we have a craving inside of us for a certain thing, yearning, needing the statisfication of being full with what we felt like having. I am hungry for a dose of espanol in my life, the language, the culture, the music and wanting to see it cooked so I can prepare it to eat!