Day 13 o el Dia trece

The phone rang. It was Margarita.
"Hey nena, what's up?"
She told me she was going to a dance gig for a cumbia band and they needed another dancer. I was down. When we arrived it was a Salvodorean restaurant. We made our way to the stage with eyes glancing and gazing. It was not what we particularly had in mind. Our black mini skirts swayed as we walked by tables. A hint of shyness was there and a provocative sway was missing. It was a 21 year old's party with family and young kids around. We were being watched with awareness and jealous eyes. We didn't want to seem like divas, so we became sweet and careful. The aroma in the air was familiar. The people were familiar and I was remembering pockets of my past where I hung out with my boricua freinds at the mom and pop shops. At the barber shops, at the dances, at the Spanish clubs. It was all familiar. Four years of living in Los Angeles from the east coast, I felt out of place, I felt lost. My freind Margarita was from Guatemala with a hard knocks attitude that was familiar. She was the closest thing to my freinds from the east coast and she made me feel comfotable and fit in. I missed the east coast, I missed the Puerto Rican culture and I felt myself ask, where are all the boricuas at. I wished I had met a few, I wished there were more out here, but there are, I just haven't looked in the right places.
So Margarita and I started are performance and the singer sang covers as we sasheyd our hips and legs and motioned our arms fluidly. My confidence shined and I felt Puerto Rican again.
"Suavemente, besame.."
by this time my face was covered in sweat like an icy vail and my heart was beating faster than the conga drums in the songs. I used my cintura and muevete'd my hips and shook my body as if I were a maraca. My curly hair tossed as I turned and cumbia'd my way to and from in my tight circle. He sang to me, he sang to her, he invited family members to join on stage to dance. Latinos have this joy when la musica latina of cumbia, salsa, mirengue or tropicala is performed. They always smile as if someone just told a joke and the joy inside of them shows like a happy lantern on a summer night. I was home. At least inside.
Different family members came and went off the stage and when it was intermission, they sang happy birthday.
"Cumpleanos feliz! Cumpleanos feliz!..."
I had learned how easy it was to listen to the song and how easy the words sounded. I could now sing happy birthday. I was listening. I was grasping the words. I thought about it. And before, in the past I would just let the spanish get in my head like a muffled ear piece, ignoring the inclination, pronunciation of each word. It was just clutter when I heard it. And if I had only payed attention to the spanish, I probably would have had a better time with it. Now, since writing my blog, everyday shares a new experience. This blog helps me pay attention. It makes me curious enough to learn, to find out what this meant or what that meant in espanol. To discover something new everyday of being Puerto Rican, finding excitement in a latin culture.
"Buenas noches, gracias por todo, cuidate."
That's about all I could say in espanol as we left the restaurant. I thanked Margarita for the gig and that we should go to more latin places. That she new me as mixed, as half, as white but I shared with her my passion for being Puerto Rican too and that I wanted to role play with her and start gaining the confidence to speak spanish. She is the closest of my homegirls who is latina and has a comfortableness that I could be myself around her and feel accepted as Puerto Rican. Yet inside I know she knows me as half and I understand. It is hard for latinos to accept someone as a whole when they don't even speak spanish or speak some. I was trying and am. I shared my story of my blog of Seeking La Otra Mitad and she smiled and went on talking, going on as if we were on a walk, stepping past something that was left there. But I was serious and we went on talking, I drove and the night was behind us as the conversation was about Seeking La Otra Mitad.

Day 6 o el Dia seis

As I sit here in my kitchen in the cool evening in Los Angeles, continuing my project aprender espanol y la musica, I watch an interview with Ivy Queen.
"Just because you have tatoos and piercings on the outside, I'm still a sweet person and an intelligent woman."

Why do people judge a book by it's cover or label someone by their outward appearance? Her mind and heart, she still cries, she still argues and she still had to prove her way to where she is now. She changed many styles and went through many phases, such as we all do. Now as I decide to continue seeking la otra mitad, I find many Puerto Ricans fascinating! It would be a sound that catches one's ear or a look that catches an eye. As I am hooked and reeled in, I find what's coming to me on the other end, not knowing exactly why I am being pulled, but I took the bate and have that curiosity to connect with it and research it. Ivy Queen's voice and genre of music and look all interest me,since growing up on the east coast. She is who she is and remains true to herself and original to the flavor that comes along in her music. She throws on the gloves and gets out there to battle. I love that true strength that she brings, a true Urbana Puerto Riquena. It's as with anyone who looks or has a certain style that we are curious to learn more. Why do we judge and who is to say we can put a finger or name on anyone? Being half Puerto Rican and half white, not knowing fully the language doesn't make me go..o well I am American and I'll leave it at that, I can't speak or learn spanish now. no. There's more, there is more lava that is waiting to spew out of the volcano.

Like Ivy Queen, that goes through many phases and styles as an artist, who was said that she didn't have the look or was told that the type of music she chose wasn't for her, can still change and become who she wants. She can still be intelligent and throw the shots in her life as an individual. I can still learn and see it through. I can become mas Boricua. Then even, if I may sound funny or start changing slightly con mas sabor and the people that know me say why are you doing that? Why are you starting to act that way..I can honestly say.. Who Cares!

Day 4 o el Dia cuatro

My eyes circled the cans and containers of seasoning in the cabinet like a hawk gliding in the sky to keep hovering over the land, concentrating on choosing it's prey. My hand pressed and fingers stepped upon the woodstained finish, closing then reopening the cabinet doors, back and forth, figuring.
"What do I want to have."
"What do I feel like?"

My eyes bounced, figuring, "What is really going to fit me today? What do I have an appetite for and would savor?"

"Ahh"! Eso!"

My sight caught the Adobo seasoning and delighted. Arroz con habichuelas it is!

It is in delight and what we yearn for, that brings us to understanding of ourselves. One morning in the kickbox class of the martial arts studio, mi gemela was just beginning to stretch after a long 3 mile walk to the studio. That was one of her passions that fed her appetite so she didn't mind walking from our house all the way to the studio every Saturday to join kickboxing class. The road less traveled yet curious enough to dare the consequences! Being physicaly fit was something she felt like doing, she felt like having, like our daily choices for food. The class began and they did their routine. A woman, tan with the hint of cocoa colored skin noticed and remembered. There was a resemblance to her neice. The black curly hair, the nose small with ethnic curve, the Tirado forehead, the eyes like a green muddy sea. Could it be? That combination could only belong to two people she knew. It was mi Tia! After all the time had passed, through fate, there was mi gamela and tia again together. From 5 years old and being seperated, it was la otra mitad coming to la otra mitad! Finally at the age of 19 we would begin to see and know our otra mitad de la familia. After that day we grew like a grape vine.
One day in mi tia's kitchen, she prepared our first meal which was like "our daily bread" in Puerto Rico. The air was thick with vapors of oil and bubbling water with a pinch of this and a pinch of that.
"There is not much to learn. This is simple, yet it is technique that you must get down."
As she scurried about performing her act and orchestrating her band, she slipped the sliced plantains into the oil and took the browned ones out, pressing them firmly enough to squeeze out excess oil.
"Now watch platanos becomes tostones."
Then she stirred the pot of boiling rice.
"See not too much agua. Just a little over the top."
She went on orchestrating, adding the beans, sofrito, tomatoe sauce. I didn't look. I was consumed with what they were trying to say in the novelas on tv. My mind was putting together words like a puzzle that didn't fit or were not the right shape for the other connecting peice. I wasn't paying attention and before you knew it, the aroma came in like a careless spirit finding it's way to my nose, awakening my senses.
One voice was echoed as if in the distance and the second rang like a school bell and I was alarmed.
"Ok tia! Yea! it's ready?"
"Si, esta lista! Buen Provecho!"

As mi gamela y yo began to taste the 3 spoonfuls in, "tia, what is in this, how is it so good! Please write the recipe!"
"Ok a pinch of jamon and you going to add..."
"Wait, tia, what is jamon?"
"Ham"

At a young age of our introverted selves of 13, we became vegetarians. At 22 now, we were freaking out. "O my God tia, I'm sorry we can't eat no more."
My poor tia, worked so hard and dressed this comida with love and daring delight, only to get shot down by the twin bomber!
Knowing and accepting was tricky. Yes it had meat in this fantastic dish, yes it was Puerto Rican, yes it was the traditional way of making it and yes we were vegetarians now, giving up meat so young.

"But it's only a pinch used for seasoning!"
"But it was still meat, still an animal, we don't eat animals!"
My tia's eyes rolled.
"Aye, aye, aye! But you guys,,,now are being really difficult!"

We stood there in the midst of silence, unspoken words, thoughts floated above our heads and we were sorry. We would just have to learn to make our rice and beans together without jamon. The pot sat their and cooled over time like a rock that the sun set away from, cooling to a still hard leftover in the night.

Growing up American, had freedom of choice, with compassion in our hearts, animals were our freinds and we could never make a choice to cook pollo frito or anytype of dish made with an animal that was living before. Even my mom, who is white ate meat but knew her kids had made a decision to cut that out of their diets so that was that.
Yes seeking to be more boricua had it's challenges in the food department but we had our choice.

Today I had craved arroz con habichuelas and remembered back to that day 8 years ago in mi tia's kitchen. Feeling bad, not accepting to continue to eat her arroz con habichuelas because of el jamon but knowing that everything in life being it Puerto Rican or American wasn't always going to be the norm in making up who we are.
Recipes have their ingredients as we individually have our makeups and hangups, the things that combine make up who we are. We have choices, but we feel, inside of us that we need or crave something, such as mi gamela and her working out, it led her, in fate to meet my tia again since we were astranged from my father's side of the family for so long and it is the sense that brings about a calling in the air, to bring welcoming things in our lives. Not knowing but going on instinct and following it is key. I sit here typing away, sharing and finishing my 2nd page of wanting to know and seek my Puerto Rican side. I have gone over the 3 chapters to the Living Language book again, so I am covering los basicos of greetings, asking for information and the time, going over the lyrics of "Dime" by Ivy Queen, I wanted to get it right, still continuing poco a poco. Their is still so much to tell, yet this helps me stay with learning the language, and it is like food that we have a craving inside of us for a certain thing, yearning, needing the statisfication of being full with what we felt like having. I am hungry for a dose of espanol in my life, the language, the culture, the music and wanting to see it cooked so I can prepare it to eat!

Day 1 o el dia uno

Growing up with what you missed can sometimes be a good thing. You just have to try harder to find it and sometimes it can be more interesting that way. When things are often handed to you, you most often take them for granted until later on in life of course when you start to realize what life and it's meanings are meant to you. Inside each one of us lies an unopened discovery incubating waiting to be explored. I for example am a curious, creative person that has continuous blocks and stops with the thought of the actual act. Doing is key and often I think too much and not do or get around to it. This blog is a start, day by day. It seems when we are younger, we can do things without care and embrace learning and absorb it so much more quickly. As we get older it just seems there are more blocks that ourselves, we put up. Well no more. Here is my start.
To rediscover myself as a poet and lyricist, I must go back to my roots. I am half Puerto Rican and White. I grew up with my mom who is white and mi papa es Puerto Riqueno. Both seperated when I was 5. Of course being in a band and being a rockero, having kids and a family wasn't exactly the type of life my father had intended to have. He was born for it. He could play the electric guitar like Jimmy Hendrix and Santana. No one knew where his passion came from since he came from a very stict household. His mom, mi abuela, was religious and strict and declared no type of that music would go on in the household. A mind of endless creation, my dad was gifted. No kids for him...ever! Then my mom had us, si yo tengo gemela, tambien, pero my dad was a free spirit so he went rocking and rolling himself in lala land while my poor mami had to struggle. A lion hunting, guarding and living all to have her kids a good life. I am so proud and blessed to have a mom like her. We grew up until about 5, where my mom had had it with my father's messing around and not settleing down along with mi abuela wanting to raise us for her own, my mom cut off the side of my dad's family and raised us.
English, english english from that point on until I got into middle school on up and I started learning "spanglish". I always talked very soft and slow, made fun of alot, so I couldn't speak spanish with much confidence. But my Boriqua freind, Cristy, taught me the ropes, we would start going out to parties with all Dominicans and Puerto Ricans and I learned Bachata, Mirengue and some salsa. I fell inlove with reggaeton and salsa and Bachata. I knew inside of me there was mas latina just steaming outside of me, boiling from the inside. I looked more Boriqua than white, I felt it, but was I? The language...people would say..oh but I thought you were Puerto Rican? Well I am, at least half, at least I feel more towards Boriqua than the other way. And I would say well you can call me a Bostorican if that's good enough for you. (since I'm from Mass) Anyways, I fit in just fine and gathered mostly Puerto Rican and Black freinds. I didn't hang out with white people that much, I never felt I could fully be myself if they wern't real enough or street enough..I know sounds funny but hey..
Anyways, this discovery incubating inside me for so long needs to be explored. It has been too long and I am young enough now to discover it and explore the cracks and crevices and at least try to stick with something and finish it!
Since I know some basics and street spanish already, I am starting with the Living Language book I have here in mi casa from a class I was taking, and I am reading already up to the third chapter. So there is my grammar. And what I am doing is learning spanish through song! I here a song I like in spanish and I get the lyrics and practice it. I give homage to Ivy Queen! Just hearing her makes me interested. So I am studying the lyrics and singing it so I can get the Boricua flavor added into my speaking and into my soul. I think this is a very interesting way for me to combine song and spanish to learn my roots..and all together start knowing what la musica latina is saying! Lol...ok well here I go..I will report back in a few days, if not tomorrow night..